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    8/29/2007

    镜子

    好久没有写blog,今天正好无所事事,扔篇上来
     
    一周都在夜店泡着,喝多少都不醉,跳多久都不累.厌烦夜店,可是又不时过去.人就是这样
    酒不是好东西,不过,却不会去戒.人就是这样
    日子隔几天就和咱起一次腻,有时候酒还能陪自己起个哄:不过别拿它当真朋友.一起玩行,别和他交心,指不定它就给咱拐哪去了.人就是这样
     
    假期还是老样子,无所事事,闷着装着
    有时候开怀大笑有时候一言不发
    怎么这么讨厌人总是装着特了解我的样子和我说话,自己闷头不吭声就好多人过来问你"你怎么了?出什么事了"好像特了解我似的.最好谁都别理我,我没事就是想一个人呆会
    说出来了又开始讨厌自己:心是瓷的,硬,可是禁不住别人抡圆了往地上一磕,就碎
    有时候,好像喝大了那个,才是真正的我
     
    假期唯一做的有意义的事情就是斑斑给我找的活,干的挺开心.角色,时刻都在装
    社会就是一帮人在那装,跟家什么想法没人管,见面必须彬着
    你不装,有人找你聊
    人类就是装着装着,才进步的---
    对着镜子,发现镜子里那个人让我特别生气
    马上就想找个地方蹲下来吐,听我自己的声音都想抽我自己
    我知道镜子里的都是假的,一直都在自己演着自己
    心里时刻有个"装"字---
    装,不可耻,装的可耻,那才可耻
     
    自己跟自己的面就那么浅,心里还有个帐
    时刻给自己背个牌坊,定个底线
    可是一抻懒筋,就又跟自己急了
    一口酒,一条线,从上面凉进去,到了胃里,又成了一团火
    抬头看着镜子又乐了---
    你没跪过,心里面却一不留神就跪了,真跪别人看着寒碜,心里跪,自己知道寒碜
    就当是一口痰给啐地上了:就不给你Y这面儿!
    再次抬头,又哭了
    自己和自己的关系,会不会恶化到无法相容的地步
     
    梦想,现实
     
    自己是空白的,时刻都在否决自己
    也得想着自己时刻都适应任何的角色,什么样都要装
    最后,就剩我一个人,发现自己原来这么惨
    生活里的自己是这么可怜
    生活改变不了,一切都是理所应当.那就什么都不改变
    笑骂自己,却又严重拧巴
    自己跟自己较劲---
    指着镜子里的人"哎!你!你!你!别TM演了!"
     
    原来的梦想
    现在的梦想是什么
     
    自己回不了头
    睡去
    又在苍穹中醒来
     
    路太长,水太深,慢慢趟吧

    Comments (1)

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    陌陌wrote:
    无意中找到了你的BLOG,呵呵,我也常常在梦想和现实中徘徊.可是生活就始这样.
     
    Oct. 17

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